My Blonde Experience

So, I am blonde. A short haired blonde and not just any. It's not going to last for sure, I am not the type of girly girl going to the salon to dye her hair every month...I am way to lazy for that. But until I go back to my roots I am definitely enjoying my blonde days. The Wella Trend Vision 2012 show was an experience. It is hard being a model and I think this has been my first and last time on stage :)

Opinions are split. Some say that I look better and more radiant like this, even less evil :P. Others think that I look ok, but I am better as a brunette. I don't know what to say, I kinda got used to being a blonde and I sometimes feel better. We went out last Friday and I was among the few blondes there and I felt so good. Blonde definitely makes you stand out of the crowed.

The down side is that roots grow faster than I thought, I have to take care that my face is always fresh because any blemish looks like a huge pimple and make up is absolutely mandatory (at least eyeliner). I've been told about this and I always thought it's just blonde people whining around, but now I take all that back.

I love my blonde days and am extremely happy to have had this opportunity.

My Blonde Day(aries)

Never say never!

That's one lesson for me to learn at the beginning of 2012. You will not believe it (I still don't) but I am....wait for it....BLONDE.

I am attending the Wella Trend Vision 2012 show with Cristina, my (our) hairstylist. I am in the Grace - Trend Vision - Haute Couture section. This means that starting today and until Wednesday when we have the final presentation I have to pretend that I'm a model, a graceful one.

Today, I spent my whole day between bleaching and coloring my hair and eyebrows, and learning the choreography for the stage. I also chose my dress...and the belt for it (great belt by the way, I hope I get to keep it as a souvenir). After my photo modeling for Radu and the hair modeling for Cristina, I can tell you that being a model is not an easy job. 

Falling through life

This week I've experienced the most horrifying possibility through which a 26th year old person's life could end.

I can't really call Lucia a friend, it would not be proper. I share with her my deepest passion - stray animals, and spent my summer with her at fairs and different adoption events. We both love cats especially, so we used to chit chat about this all the time. By chance two weeks ago I started a project at work with her sister, Raluca. Weird coincidence, but the world is not that big after all and I got used to it.

A weird phone conversation with Raluca almost had me collapsing from my chair. Last week we were talking about Lucia and it all seamed fine and now all of a sudden Raluca's scared voice gave me the worst news ever - Lucia had suffered a septic shock. The disease din not have any noticeable symptoms so it was nothing but a shocking surprise.

The doctors knew what she had, but did not know why, so they didn't really know what to do with her. Her lungs and right leg seamed to be the problem. A huge campaign was started for blood donations. She needed thrombocytes, and because Romania, especially Bucharest lacks blood donors, there were non available. They finally managed to get some from other cities so she could be taken through surgery on her right leg.

This is how Lucia in two days went from being normal, with a slight pain in her leg, to a septic shock, to inducted coma and with her leg split in two in search of dead tissue.

Without a clear diagnostic, Lucia is still in hospital. Though she was taken out of the inducted coma she is still on random treatment, as her results did not come yet. It seams to be a mix of viruses - S. Aureus and probably Lyme disease.

Though they had to go through an unpredictable shock, they had to fight with the doctors and the Romanian medical system to make things go faster, her family and friends stood by her strong. It is amazing how many people got involved in the case and did what they could to help a 26th year old continue her life.

Unfortunately all I could do is promote the case. My weight is below the donor's accepted level, so I am not allowed to donated blood. I promise that when I reach the necessary weight, I will become a blood donor. I am sure that Lucia is only one of those many young people fighting for their life right now.

I hope she will get well and go home to her beloved cats :)

Lucia died on the 26th of February 2012....

TwoZeroOneTwo

I never finished my last story...and never continued the story of my 2011. All I can do now is wrap it up...

I've had a great 2011 (the year of my 25th). Visited new places (Zurich and Bangkok), made new friends, learned new things - Spanish and driving :)....but most of all discovered more things about myself. There are a couple of people who made my year, especially my summer, and though it might be a bit different this year, it's all going to be here, recorded on my egocentric blog.

TwoZeroOneTwo started perfectly...with snow! Now there's so much snow that I kinda regret ever wishing for it. It continued perfectly, with my wallet stolen on the bus, and so a brand new set of documents. It took me till about last week, when I received a new credit card and driving license to recover most of the things I had. That's exactly 1 month...considering that I declared them lost and not stolen...easier.

I recently moved again, in a different part of Bucharest - different nice story - and I'm actually discovering my own city now... I think I'm going to develop a bit on this in a further post. It's interesting how you live for 25 years in a city and at some point you discover that there's actually more to it than you thought.

Short term plans - spring's gonna make me:

- work on my creative side again, I miss making stuff...

- experience my blonde side...Wella Trend Vision 2012 here I come

- cook again...ol' Denmark life style getting back to me...I kinda like it

- new places to discover: Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and the North of Israel

- read, watch movies, do nothing :)

- turn 26 and leave behind the first quarter of my life

I said it looks like you Summer Well

A great festival for hipsters took place this weekend close to Bucharest. They've chosen a great location...an old palace and it's surroundings. Not perfectly organized, but everything went out well. Lots of fun things to do and a great place to sit by the lake and talk, read or nap.

Five bands each day, brit pop mostly. I went to see Interpol...and I got my band there. I love them but the show was poor. Someone had a very good point in saying that their concert was great, but they sounded like a loud played CD...mr. Banks did not get friendly with the public at all....except for a couple of thank yous and a cute smile.

On the other hand the lead bands from the first day - Noisettes and Plan B - did a hell of a show. The lead singer from Noisettes looks dreamy...a singing black Barbie.

Acting responsible - "garbage"

This is me interacting with the Romanian authorities, and it's not the first time I'm doing this...

Before Easter my responsible neighbors cleaned the green area next to our apartment building. After gathering the plastic bottles, pieces of clothing, building material and all the other stuff Romanians love leaving around in nature, they did not call anyone to pick it up and just left it there. In the mean time rats and cockroaches made a living around it...not to mention the flees and ticks that have a blast in the tall grass that grew around the tiny garbage hills.

Pissed by the fact that for the last 21 years nobody ever came to clean this area, I called the Public Domain Authority...and they noted my concern...for three times in the past month and a half. Finally their verdict was that the are is not actually public, it's private. Even though there's no fence around and the land is basically abandoned (typical for Bucharest) they cannot come clean the area. When I asked whether there's a law punishing owners for basically abandoning their land the answer was simple..."No, I don't think so....it's just a matter of morality".

I found out that there is actually a law punishing this, but you have to call the Community Police in your district, they give you the phone number of your area's police. That's where you can make a complaint by phone. They were very kind and explained the whole procedure. Now it's in the hands of the environment section of the police department (I had no idea this existed). They will analyze the situation, discover who the owners are...send them a request to clean the land and if they don't do it....fine them.

My guess...the garbage is going to remain there for a long time, and most likely the hills will become mountains at some point.

Reflection of The Self

Coming back to Bucharest also meant a come back to a lot of what "it used to be". The difference now was that what I used to have did not fit to what I was feeling anymore. I tried doing new things and continue others from where I left them, but it just didn't feel right. As a result, after a strong inside war and aggressive reactions I now feel sorry for, I managed to cut some strings. It is extremely difficult for me to stop talking to people and my reactions prove my struggle to convince myself that this is what I have to do.

I realized most of  these things only after actually listening to other people, and trying a bit of the personal development practices that are out there. I am still afraid of going in very deep, but what satisfied me and gave me trust, because I never felt the words "in my face", is Lise Bourbeau's methods. She is the founder of the Canadian school of Personal Development...a very trendy new wave.

"Listen to your body" is based on the 5 wounds (rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice) that we all have within us, and the acknowledgment of the 5 masks (withdrawal, dependence, masochism, control, rigidity) that they bring to life when activated. The wounds are created from the moment of conception till you are about 7 years old. After that, whenever a person or an action that you come across in your life subconsciously takes you back to something that happened in your development period, your wound is activated and your mask comes up. That's when you stop being yourself and react as some would say a mental person.

When I first got her book I was actually afraid to read it, so I just skimmed it. The first mask I found myself under was rigidity. I do look for perfection and I am afraid of injustice. The wound is created in your relationship with the same sex parent...I never went further to discover when and why...but from the reactions that this mask determines, I am fully there. The bad part is that when I feel injustice towards me I become a bit aggressive and accuse people of not being responsible enough. I also tend to say "yes" when I mean "no" or force myself to smile even if I don't feel like it. These are just a small part of the phrases I saw myself reflected in. I am sure that a lot of the people I know or knew can say that this is right. I was happy to think that this was it...this is not that bad and anger is part of our system. The only thing is that I am a lot more aggressive, and by reading a bit more I have to accept that I also have a wound created by the opposite sex parent and that wound is betrayal.

I acknowledged it after attending a seminar this week and looking back at my quick reply to "what do you hate most in others?" - LIE. After reading the description of my newly acknowledged mask I saw myself as a control freak....especially in my relationships...all of them. I do get cocky, I do become aggressive, I do lose my patience very fast and I do feel like I must have the last word. It is not easy to say it...at all...especially for someone who's other mask looks for perfection.

This is an important step....now I have to try and fix them they say, and this is where things get complicated.

It was easier of course to recognize a lot of the people I know/knew in these masks. You would be amazed how easy it is to get that person's image in your head as you go through the reactions an activated wound has. I guess that after seeing yourself so easily reflected in a list of ugly things you do to other people, it's not that easy to move on. I do not feel depressed, I might feel ashamed after seeing my reflection there. Still I kinda like my wounds...I just have to find a way to ware out my aggressive vision towards life.

If you are not afraid of finding out a bit about the skeletons in your personal closet, then I recommend that you skim, not necessarily read - Heal Your Wounds & Find Your True Self by Lise Bourbeau. It is childish to think that you do not have any of these things, try it...go through it alone and offer yourself a moment to think. The answer will come to your mind...it's just a matter of accepting it or not. She has a lot of other good books I would recommend, but try at least this one.

A new year

I spent my last day of 2010 just as I spent the rest of the year...alone...with my cats. I got dressed and ready to go out. I stayed in line at a club with my best friend, and all of a sudden I realized that I did not wanted to be there. The person standing next to me has been out of my life for half of this year for good reasons, and I realized that her return was a bad idea ... I admit my bad habit of returning behind well sealed doors. 2010 has definitely been a year of solitude for me and I feel that I closed up a lot, even if tests would prove me wrong, because I opened myself towards something different.

One of my resolutions for this year is to regain my trust in people, but now I'm not sure I'd like to do that anymore. I have a feeling that is going to be a hell of a year ... I am really confident and positive, and I definitely want to make the best of it and not myself get lost.

Last X-mas I punched your face

Three girls decided to spend their Christmas night out in a club. One of them has been out of the picture for a few months, so Christmas was also the perfect timing for a reunion. These girls decided to go into a club...one that they've been into before and knew it was ok. Major failure...it was full of pigs that night, probably the ones that escaped the traditional Christmas slaughter. It was the first time in my life when we had to call the club's bodyguard because a guy told us that "you either dance with me or I beat you because I'm drunk"....nice pick up line, what can I say. The event was followed by a wave of unbelievably rude remarks that made other desperate guys follow their pig king. What amazed me was that one of them asked as for an explanation on "three girls decide to go out alone for a girl's night out....and you want me to believe it?". We finally left, of course, and I will definitely not step in that club ever again in my life. For the record I'm talking about El Grande Comandante...the newest attraction for the jerks in Bucharest.

One of the points on my resolution list was to regain my trust in people...but if the tyre of unfortunate events keeps rolling...I'll have to stick to who I know. When these things happen I either imagine a nuclear bomb dropped in the middle of this country, or some sort of a Hitler enslaving (just enslave...based on the level of self respect) probably half of this country's characters.

My 2010

DONE in 2010: 
- became an MA in International Studies
- became a volunteer for an animal association
- got two cats
- visited new places (London, Paris, Miami, Milano)
- rebounded with my people and met a few new faces
- finished a great and rewarding internship
- learned new and interesting stuff - but maybe not as much as I wanted
- kept my international, funny, rewarding and full of the unexpected job

Turn the page

Tomorrow is my last day of internship at the US Embassy. I started it out of curiosity and the need to learn new stuff. I hate having spare time and doing nothing, when there are so many things to do and people to discover in this world. I have to admit that after this month and a half of being an intern and employee, I am tired and I need a break. I'll get it at the end of next week...a well deserved trip to Milan.

This was a full week. Monday was the Intercontinental event I helped organize and I met the Ambassador, mr. Mark Gintestein. Not only did I meet him, but I shook hands with him and had a little chat. I could feel the blood rushing in my cheeks, but I stood brave. It was a great experience, and not just because he's an authority in my eyes. Keith praised me and that made me melt....I definitely have to work on my skills in this area. I realized that I hate it when people say good things about me to people who don't actually know me. Olivia would say that this is the "know it all" and "perfectionist" in me who feels the need to prove itself.

The whole internship was a great experience...I attended so many events, learned how to do a professional sector market research and organize an Embassy event. I am so happy I took it. I did not get an employment offer or something, because the internship is not about this, but I am sure that I'll get recommended.

It was a good week at work as well. I love my job in general, and I said it a hundred times already.

PS ...this is a very agitated December and I hate it, because I feel that the year is ending and I don't even know when. It's already middle December and I still have to do so many things before the end of the year and I don't have time. And there's no snow yet....this year I'll mark the first day of snow (probably tomorrow).

What goes around comes around

Ever heard about the "kicked in the ass by karma" thing. Well I have, and it seams that I'm living it. How does it feel? Like a fat annoying man rubbing against you on the bus...that's how bad it is. You can't have it all, they say, but why can't you have a bit of everything?

I know it's my fault and that my attitude is wrong, but where the hell is my invisibility coat when I need it? That might be my only chance to stop making bad decisions and being a fool. This has definitely been a very bad year on a personal level...very bad. That should change next year, and if it doesn't get better, at least I hope it's going to be neutral.

I'm working on that list, and my mind keeps adding new things by the minute. I'm turning 25, quarter of a century and I believe half way through life. Not only should I start anti aging cream, but also reflect on my values and switch my priorities.

Interning

Here I am, an inter again. Why? I might be mentally deranged, but this internship is actually the closest to the answer "where do you see yourself 5 years from now?". It has a lot to do with what I like, what I learned in school and my work experience till now...not to mention it's US related.

I am an intern for the US Commercial Service. I am very scared and paranoid about reveling information due to the security interview I had to go through, and that's such a pitty, because it is the coolest place ever. I wanted to go there because lately I wasn't feeling so much "out there", and I needed to resuscitate my social life. I went there to meet people I guess. The acceptance process took a long time, but it was worth it. The new morning "job" will end on the 10th of December...and this first week it blended pretty well with my afternoon job.

I'm glad that I can compare the atmosphere and the work done at the US CS with the one from the Romanian Embassy/Consulate in Spain (in both places I was an intern and worked with specially trained Romanians). All I can say is that, sadly Romania is extremely far from the world of the big ones.

Ah yes...this week I had my job birthday - I'm a 3 years old official/state registered working class hero and I've been in the best office ever for the past year. Time flies...

Cruel punishment

This morning on my way to work I bursted into tears. This has never happened to me, I rarely cry in front of other people, so it must have been special.

All I could think about was why? So many reasons came through my mind - the weather and PMS, of course (though I haven't had that in a long time), appeared to be the best reasons...but then I thought that it could also be:

- the book I'm reading and how other people from other countries become some how famous and have enough money to travel and do what they want - I don't neuter envy...I'm not even able to define that word, but that is my biggest wish ever;

- the fact that I don't get enough affection - I am in denial on that part

- the fact that I started going back to the dog shelter, and though that picture never made me cry, this time I know more stuff about animal cruelty in Romania - and here comes the trigger of my shotgun of tears: a bomj was searching through a garbage bag on the side of the road and an old stray dog was looking at him, shacking with every bone in his body in the rain...the bomj moved towards one of the underground pipe entrances and the dog followed with a broken leg, but waiving his tale, happy that he won't be outside anymore...the bomj couldn't take him underground, so he remained outside in the rain, alone, still shaking...

I'm probably going crazy, but the first thing that came through my mind was "what sins have I committed in my other life to be born here and to experience these things?" It must be a punishment for something...I'm probably acting like a spoiled brat, I know there are worse things, but this doesn't mean that I don't deserve to also experience the nice ones when I go out on the street.

Doing whatever

I'm reading this really nice book about overcoming the self and seeking the freedom and happiness most of us define as life goals. The book is not relevant now, as I'm going to write about it as soon as I finish reading it.

The point is that I am somehow trying to follow the book's motto and see whether it fits. I'm probably going through a personality crises and seeking the answer in other people's experience. Funny for me to say this...but I realized it's best to admit the crises we're going through or we'll all end up like that "godfather of cannibalism" japanese guy.

So, I'm doing what I want. I didn't like the doing "what I want" me from last night...at least not in the morning. I could put the blame on the situation I was in, but even so, man I kinnda feel like a piglet now.

I guess I started with the wrong foot...I am so not the type of person that should go out and be free...I guess I should adapt the book's motto a bit and say "do what you want, but please be rational!"

How to tell a fake when you see one

No, this is not a post about bags or shoes...it's a post about people. Out of the many fakes a had around me in my life, I must admit that I only recognized a few. Or maybe I could tell long before, but my tolerance accepted to have my powers drained and my nerves cracked at the end.

I have had many "best friends". I mostly trusted people I met in school, my 1-4th grade best friend with who I haven't spoken once the 4th grade finished, my 6-8th grade best friend with who history repeated. Weirdly in highschool I got closer with a few people....some got lost while high school years passed. With my best friend and desk mate a had a quarrel as soon as school ended. I'm ok with her know, after about 2 years of not speaking. Anyway... my quarrel with her confirmed that I shouldn't play this game anymore. But...my stupid stubbornness refused to accept that.

So...I was there again. Listening, comforting, visiting....accepting that my problems are way smaller that anybody else's, and keeping them only for myself most of the time. When I didn't, I did the mistake of opening my mouth, only to be punished for that after and being called a trader of generosity. My friendly requests have been refused by being told that guys are sometimes better to be around than me. I've been left aside when new friends popped, even when I was suppose to be a guest myself. But I was still there...listening, comforting and visiting. They say a Taurus's trust is not easy to brake, and they'll be there no matter what...but when you do break it and they reach a boiling point...there's no way back. As an atheist I do trust astrology, as it proven right a lot of times...not just to me, but also in the people around me.

I am happy to say, that after one year of being at home, I managed to prioritize things in my social life. No more substance abusers, no more self centered camera guys, no more married people and definitely no more fake friends. Life is cruel and I am afraid to say that it's getting worse. People are confused and the desperation to be pleasant and adored by other makes them say and do stuff, that show their low character and lack of attitude towards life.

Or at least that's my opinion...

To kill an inner child

History tought us that in the years that pasted, humans fought long lasting, bloody battles for pieces of land or ideologies. Assuming that humans evolved into a less ignorant creature, these battles stopped, or at least are better hidden behind great words such as human rights, ecology etc. - different debate...

These days we are so good at hiding, that we even hide murder. A lot of the people around me go by with no jail time or even a fine for killing their inner child. Worst, there are a lot others who try to convince that this is a wise path to take. I love Romania...but I am afraid that the country has only a handful of people who are able to truly relax and do stupid things...stupid to gown ups, but natural to children. It's stupid to do anything that a child would do, I guess laughing will soon be declared stupid in this country, or even out side the law. I live in a sad place, and try desperately to surround myself with people who still see Tinkerbell. 

What brings me to anxiety, is that among my closest ones, I find those trying to rip you inside and dig hard to kill your spirit, because theirs died a long time ago. I would die without being clumsy, stupid, innocent...but most of all happy! The thought of being a zombie, a shadow frightens me...

It's been a while...

...since I visited my blog. The place where I can lay all my frustrations, read them later, and decide whether to delete the post or not.

It's already May...and I:

- am still happily employed - important fact for the way unemployment rates go

- visited Paris for real - all I can say is: another town down, billion others to go :)

- turned 24 - which is before 25, an important age for me because that's when I should start wearing anti-wrinkle face creams

- miss leaving abroad and always think about what I was doing this time last year

- hate having to start digging more and more into the system - you can ask me anything about the labour law, taxes and income laws, state health insurance etc.

- am getting ready to move out

...but most important:

- am a volunteer for an animal association (ROBI) - I am doing what I always wanted to do: help those who can't ask for it.

I've been a volunteer for 3 months now. I can say that I passed my trial period well.

Yes, I did become a little bit more obsessed with stray animals, and turn my head after each dog.

No, I am not a vegetarian and I don't think I could ever be.

Yes, I've been called crazy and told that there are so many other good deeds that I could do, if I wanted to (like helping abandoned children or elderly people).

No, my house is not full of animals now, and I don't go around like people from the church preaching my cause and asking for money and moral support.

Yes, I think I became a better person.

I've done my first good deed and castrated two of the "bitches" from my block....tomorrow they will also be pest free. But this is like a star fish in an ocean. :)

I think my experience with animals (added to the experience I get just by walking out of the door in the morning) hasn't enriched my knowledge about them, their habits and diseases, as much as it enriched my knowledge about people. When I say this, I do not refer to the way people see animals and behave towards them, but to the way people are. We (Romanians) are very uneducated, frustrated and scared. The system is rotten, and as positive as I am in general, I don't see anything in the near future. Myself, like the majority of this country's population wait for tomorrow to see what will happen...it is well known that the lack of security can take away lives...unfortunately, this is what defines Romania in 2010.

Eco Duties

In one hour I cleaned with Bianca this small public land area that's right under our bedroom window. Of course this is a insignificant area comparing what we have around our building block. We managed to gather 14 X 12 l garbage bags full of plastic bottles and bags, textiles, batteries, glass containers and loads of other plastic containers. Visible in the picture are 4 doggies. They are the reason why all this garbage appeared, not that everything around them is cleaner. People bring them food and water and dump the bags and plastic containers there. I called the District's pound to come and castrate them, and they scheduled for next week. Maybe if they are castrated people will be willing to adopt them :)

We still have a bit left, we will probably clean it next week because it's just behind our car. I was thinking about trying to call the City hall to tell them to do the rest, because it's kinda difficult to clean a whole neighborhood on my own :-§

Twinkly, twinkle, little star

A lot of people have been wondering about the meaning of my star tattoo. I usually say "...well I made it in the USA, you know...stars, freedom!?" I'm not lying when I'm saying that. USA represents a dream for me and I do associate it with my way to freedom, my star, the one that everybody has.

A better explanation to my tattoo can actually be found in what it really represents - constellations. I am not a religious person, actually I don't really believe in a higher entity a.k.a God. I do believe in infinity, the infinity of the universe and the infinity of essence. The guardian of my sign is planet Venus. Venus has a funny trajectory, reaching five points. Those five points represent the peaks of a pentagon - the kind of star I have on my neck. The pentagon represents a person, human. My tattoo reminds me that I am a nothing but a person born under a star. I am not infinity in shape, body - I am infinity in essence, soul. Venus is still the brightest star we can see during the night.