One way to fly

As usual I get information either to soon or to late. Fascinated as I am about flying and stuff, I always get curious when people talk about flying lessons or flight attendant courses. I never considered or heard about parachuting though...and I don't mean the Romanian expression...Anyway, this idea flew around my ears when Ana told me that you could get free lessons until you're 23...since I'll be 24 in April, I started making plans. A deeper research unraveled magic information like...you have to actually be between 16 and 22 and according to people who tried this, the equipment is a bit "extreme". I guess it's to supplement the adrenaline rush before the jump. Oh well...another wish on my chaotic list...maybe one day I will have a video with me jumping off a plane, flying.

I'll book this under "when I will be old I'll always say I wanted to do that to my nephews", next to wishes I previously expressed, such as driving a motorcycle and bungee jumping.

Perfect face

The plastic surgery obsession is everywhere and women can't deny the wish, the aspiration towards perfection. If a girl would tell me she has never ever in her life thought about this, I would call her a shameless liar. Of course there is a big step between thinking about this and actually doing it. You might have the money, but you fear the post surgical pain or you might have the guts, but lack financial founds. I find my self at this point, as well as my friend (girl - girlfriend) in the second category. The plan is made...what to do and when to do it...we just need the money and the time. Wanting a plastic surgery does not mean that you have a low self esteem...it has nothing to do with that, we don't consider ourselves ugly and we don't not hide from the rest of the world...and that is why I consider the denial towards great features a disease. You cannot be a woman if you refuse yourself that you like being beautiful...through whatever means needed.

Another wish on my chaotic list...booked under "this is who I used to be".

Speechless souls

Since my dog has been euthanised a part of our family feels like missing. We think we hear scratches on the door and the sounds she used to make. Because I was missing, when I came back home I was expecting her to bark and come before me, waving her tail chaotically and jumping on my legs to greet me. I still felt like asking "Did Loli go out?". The feeling started disappearing now...but I still have some speechless souls around me.

This is to Lolita and the big sad eyes of the stray dogs searching for love on the streets of Romania.

Adios, but I'll be back!

I'm talking about long distance relationships. Not those internet things, that happen only virtually, and people get to meet after they got middle way without partners actually touching each other. I am talking about those that start with touches, smells, images and sensory memories, but all of the sudden one leaves. He leaves because plans have been made before they knew each other, or in a shaky moment in the relationship. Everybody knows, but the hope of something happening meanwhile raises chances and takes the thought away.

I've been the one leaving somebody behind and left behind - I've been taken to the airport and took people to the airport. Though it may seem that the person leaving gets the easy way out, for me it wasn't like that. Sure, you go to new places and discover new things, but you constantly think about the memories you had at home. You always think that person you care about is still there and whenever they miss, they go there, remember and put a smile on their face. When you are gone you don't get this opportunity, and the slight feeling of depression makes you sour towards the new things that surround you. You don't want that...you want what you had. After the first euphoric month of reaching the place where you wanted to be all your life, you realize that you become so paranoid that it becomes hell.

When you are left behind, you still have your friends, your places, your activities...of course you miss...but you don't get depressions, you are an optimist in this position. You know it will be over...you get a bit of paranoia because of the new people they meet, but you know that at some point they will be back.

Unfortunately I can't speak about when you know that they will most likely never return. I will be close to somebody in this situation...but I don't really know how to act. I always feel like saying "it will be ok...he will be back"...knowing that chances are that it will not happen.

There are no such things as long distance relationships, when you know that your partner is gone for good. You cannot switch what you had at the beginning with a computer and a camera. You cannot imagine the feelings you once lived through together.

Working class hero...again

Last week I had my first day of work, in Bucharest, after a 1 year break. I work for a great international federation (no ass kissing, they really are http://www.iesf.com/index.php?p=home) and I have two lovely colleagues, which happen to also be my friends. We have a great office, close to my high school, so I am surrounded by wonderful feelings every morning. I am a marketing officer now (English job title, because the Romanian job code makes me something like "relation organizer" which to me sounds a bit like a PIMP, not marketing stuff). A few things seem to have changed since the crises. I have to mention that when I left the Romanian work force, it was the beginning of the crises in Romania and everything was still all rainbows and butterflies. I knew salaries drooped like crazy while life was more and more expensive, but my bubble of joy from across the border kept me away from this. Now - I'm back.

In order to get the salary I wanted (a pretty good amount for the Romanian market considering myself, but way lower than I made in Denmark while cleaning 3 hours/ day) I accepted to work with a civil convention, not a work contract. A civil convention involves only the payment of mandatory state taxes, taking out unemployment, health and retirement. My employer is not cheap, but in a crises situation most companies work like this, because taxes are pretty high (in case anyone is curious, this is how much a company pays for every employee in tax: http://www.calculatorsalariu.ro/). Since I'm young and I never know where my life goes, I took the agreement.

Today I went to register my work convention...of course not at the right place (maybe I should learn how to read Romanian state web sites, because it's the second time, or start using the phone). When I got to the right place I found out that the form I had was wrong, because in was on intellectual property...so I had to fill out another one. I applied everything without any problems...at least for 30 minutes. A nice lady tells me that she can't register my convention, because I don't actually own an authorization to offer my services...This is a special authorization given by the National Commerce Register to freelancers. So...now I am some sort of freelancer as a "relation organizer" which makes me officially a P.I.M.P. :P. To get this, you need of course tons of paper work, time and money (http://www.onrc.ro/documente/ghid/1_pfa.pdf).

My colleagues told me that since the crises most people work like this. Taxes go super low and it's a nice way to trick a bit the state, because you make your own accounting and you can deduct some amounts out of the final tax with regular bills. Sounds good, I guess...but I don't like running around the city and dealing with sour administration employees. I guess I need a secretary (if anyone is interested by this job, note that I am moneyless).

Still looking for solutions to fix this...I wish it would be easier...every time I hit state owned services my head starts hurting. I am not spoiled in anyway, but common...shouldn't these things be easier and shouldn't the state make our life wonderful, so we can work longer and with energy to feed it with taxes?!

P.S.

1.it's been 1 month since I applied my request letter to the Ministry of Education about my rights as an EU student...and still no answer

2. today I had taste for something with vitamin C, a fruit to be exact, and though I walked around the whole city center, I couldn't find one fruit/vegetable shop...until I got close to my office, where everything is super expensive...I could find clothes, pastry, tabbaco, cofee, junk food...eating healthy food could do good to our lives and the West loves healthy stuff...I guess we don't, though we still produce some and it could be cheaper.

Ok...I stop complaining here...maybe I should start asking myself the question everybody has on their lips "why the hell didn't I stay there, if it was so great?!"...I guess I did it for some people I missed.

Going somewhere?

I don't think Sleeping Beauty was sad she had to sleep for a while and wake up with a kiss and a forever-lasting story. I'm looking at the phone waiting for a sign and hoping that everything is ok the other side of Europe. I want to write something empathetic, but I don't know what...I would only like to change some things, but unfortunately they don't stand in my power. Maybe I can skip some months and put myself on fast forward. At least I have a great job I can focus on, while other things settle. I am a fan of the witch that put the curse on Sleeping Beauty. There are 100 songs describing my mood, 100 screenplays and 100 novels, but there's nothing like living a story that you learn about in fairytale words. I promise to leave my stubbornness aside and be patient because it is a virtue and I need it.