Eat, pray, love favorite

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

Cruel punishment

This morning on my way to work I bursted into tears. This has never happened to me, I rarely cry in front of other people, so it must have been special.

All I could think about was why? So many reasons came through my mind - the weather and PMS, of course (though I haven't had that in a long time), appeared to be the best reasons...but then I thought that it could also be:

- the book I'm reading and how other people from other countries become some how famous and have enough money to travel and do what they want - I don't neuter envy...I'm not even able to define that word, but that is my biggest wish ever;

- the fact that I don't get enough affection - I am in denial on that part

- the fact that I started going back to the dog shelter, and though that picture never made me cry, this time I know more stuff about animal cruelty in Romania - and here comes the trigger of my shotgun of tears: a bomj was searching through a garbage bag on the side of the road and an old stray dog was looking at him, shacking with every bone in his body in the rain...the bomj moved towards one of the underground pipe entrances and the dog followed with a broken leg, but waiving his tale, happy that he won't be outside anymore...the bomj couldn't take him underground, so he remained outside in the rain, alone, still shaking...

I'm probably going crazy, but the first thing that came through my mind was "what sins have I committed in my other life to be born here and to experience these things?" It must be a punishment for something...I'm probably acting like a spoiled brat, I know there are worse things, but this doesn't mean that I don't deserve to also experience the nice ones when I go out on the street.

Doing whatever

I'm reading this really nice book about overcoming the self and seeking the freedom and happiness most of us define as life goals. The book is not relevant now, as I'm going to write about it as soon as I finish reading it.

The point is that I am somehow trying to follow the book's motto and see whether it fits. I'm probably going through a personality crises and seeking the answer in other people's experience. Funny for me to say this...but I realized it's best to admit the crises we're going through or we'll all end up like that "godfather of cannibalism" japanese guy.

So, I'm doing what I want. I didn't like the doing "what I want" me from last night...at least not in the morning. I could put the blame on the situation I was in, but even so, man I kinnda feel like a piglet now.

I guess I started with the wrong foot...I am so not the type of person that should go out and be free...I guess I should adapt the book's motto a bit and say "do what you want, but please be rational!"