Out of the ordinary

Though the week didn't pass, November deserves more posts especially because it has been such a prolific month. Or maybe I'll just make it a long post I'm going to add stuff to until the end of the week so that I will have a complete week registration. On the emotional side I'm in a big hole, and the gap isn't going to be filled so fast I guess. Let's say this is just one of the lessons I have to learn about life and take it as it is. Ana and Irina decided that this year we should have a posh new year’s celebration. This is going to be a switch in our usual way of life as for one night...one important night...we will become the people we don't like and talk bad about. But it's going to be a good experience since you have to be ready for anything in this life. This might also be our last new years together...I'm not making a statement out of this but it looks like the fading borders of our country are carrying us beyond. Who knows where we will be next year and what we will be doing? But there's a first time for everything and the beginning is the most difficult I guess.

Next week I start my exams, so this has been very much a learning week.

Waking up in the morning after long sleepless nights seem to make the process go slow. Still, today it's Friday so I guess everything passed fast. I don't feel smarter but I feel like I'm doing something - culturally. The long struggle with books and infinite texts on law and history became effervescent yesterday. After waking up at 7 in the morning and falling asleep till 8 while eating breakfast in bad...I managed to get to school (not in time). The 15 minutes rule we have here, the "European" excuse for always being late made me lazy. At the beginning I was first in class but now I'm one of the ones who comes later and has to say a shy "Hi!" to the teachers while trying to make as little noise as possible when sitting. So… yesterday after school I went to the first Hindu temple of my life. Uwe made an arrangement and I went with my Diaspora class to visit a diasporic built temple next to Aarhus. The guide was only speaking in Danish so we didn't understand a thing...but it was nice to see how they managed to transform a warehouse in a spiritual house, where they performed rituals and brought gifts to their Gods.

I got home kinnda late and I knew the girls were in one of the dormitories watching Danish cartoon. I was sorry to miss that but fate was in my favour  Just 5 minutes after I got in Marketa came to get more wine. Knowing that they will stay longer and not having school today pushed me to join them. This is how I got drunk last night, came home after midnight and for the first time in a week managed to sleep and wake up rested and ready. I guess the fresh start is on his way.

Oh yeah...this Monday I saw the first real snowflakes this winter...in Aarhus :)

This morning - that is today, Saturday the 29th - the babies that live above woke me up again. Since we moved here every morning we have the same alarm - voices of babies. Above us there's a young family and they have twins. Across the door from them lives the father's brother who himself has 1 baby. The babies are less than 2 years but they are so noisy. The run, they jump, they drop things, they scream, they cry, they play the piano, they sing loudly...everything. I don't know how the parents keep up with that. It's funny though that they only do it around 8 in the morning till 9. It was terrible at the begging and I hated them. I wanted to go up and shout at them and tell them to shut up and stop waking me up every morning. But now I got used. And it's nice to hear baby voices as the first thing when you wake up. Also they always look at me and smile when I see them from my kitchen window. They are like little devils, smiling because they know they are doing something wrong but knowing that they are sweet and there's nothing I can do against them. The parents are so calm...and so many times I witnessed them calmly trying to convince the toddler not to scream and cry. Anyway they are the cutest babies in the world...they make me think about my own...how he/she will look/act/cry/drive me nuts...I think I would like to have a love-child that I can raise on my own and share all my joy and sorrow with. It will probably be difficult to achieve but who knows what will happen in 3 or 4 years from now :)

Anyway to switch the subject from the dreamy stuff...last night we went to theatre  It was the first play I saw in Aarhus. We went to the Russian academy of theatre and the play was in English, specially made for foreigners. The play was called "Dancing in Lughansa" by Brian Friel. It was a combination of family drama (sister drama), music and choreography. We enjoyed it very much, especially because the room the play was in, was really small and intimate and it gave you a nice vibe with the actors. All this cultural stuff I'm doing makes me want more and dream more about the things I would like to do. I'm sometimes thinking if I've chosen the right carrier...maybe I would have felt better as a teacher or an artist of some sort or an actress

.

We initially left home earlier yesterday because we wanted to see the Christmas parade. All the Christmas stuff already started here and the spirit of Christmas is everywhere. Christmas beer, Christmas songs, Christmas outfits, Christmas sprees, Christmas decorations. The difference between here and Bucharest, where we also have all the lights and Christmas decorations, is that here you can feel it some how being pure. People really enjoy themselves and they embrace the spirit and share the joy...even if it's not December yet. Anyway...we didn't get to see the parade because we were too late/early/in the wrong place, but we took a walk through the multitude of people and lights...eating caramelized almonds :D.

Saturday we went to the bazar they sent up in Studenternhus. It was the first time when I went shopping for clothes with the girls and we make a good team...We tried on thousands of dresses, sweaters, jackets, shoes and t-shirts. The bathroom was full with us…exchanging clothes and looking in the mirror. I think I got closer to them than I actually am with my friends. We get naked one in front of the other and talk about all the stupid, girly things that go through our brains. Anyway...in the end I bought 2 nice, short dresses (black and grey), 2 Jackie Kennedy jackets that go with the dresses (green and grey), a nice scarf and 2 very vintage hairpins (one that goes with the scarf and a black leather one).

We finished one of our last weekends together with a fire on the beach and moulded wine. It's illegal to make a fire on the beach here and you can only do it if you have permission from the Police - which of course we didn't. This Sunday was the first Advent - this means that there are 3 more Sundays to Christmas and the first Christmas candle was lighted. From this day forward Christmas is officially coming and candles and lights will fill the city. The fire on the beach was really nice. It was my first time on a beach in almost December...it was my first fire on a beach and the feeling we got when we walked on the mole in the sea was unique. The dark was all around us and the sound and smell of water made us scream and dream to go forward. It was just like the bath I took with Ana at home at night in Vama Veche.

We left the fire because it got windy and our wood was almost over. Other people preferred to stay longer, but we decided to go to a coffee shop down town  The road down town from the beach is the nicest and most romantic place I've been in. I'd like everyone to see it because it's really special but I guess that's hard to share. There's just a bike lane and on one side you have the cold Nordic Sea and on the other you have a deep dark forest. In front you can see the lights of the city and imagine the life that is calling you. We got to the city pretty fast because the Aarhus is small. We went to this really nice coffee shop where we ended the day with some warm tea and hot chocolate. Now I feel ready for my next week. This month passed to fast and there are only three more weeks to go. We will try to make the best of them because they will pass even faster.

Sunny day in November

I was too depressed this morning and I didn't really feel like sharing my thoughts...or at least it's not easy too, so I decided to ask Mara to go in the centre and take some photos since it was sunny. The whether was just like me so I kinnda felt good something was sharing my state, sunny on the outside but so cold on the inside. We ended up meeting with Lina and Kamila and drinking hot chocolate in a beautiful cafe. We also added some postcards to our collection. We have at least one material thing in common which I will always remember.

Anonymous lives

I’ve decided to post about something that doesn't belong to me anymore. I’m tired, sad and pissed, but I guess I can’t do anything at the moment to change any of these. I let somebody hid their weakness behind my decisions again. I guess the thing that I said about hating people judging you by age applies. So fucking what if I’m only 22?! Am I not qualified to be honest with my feelings?! Till some days ago I had thoughts about my life and the way it should be. I guess when it takes so long for you to decide others do it for you. I don’t feel like returning anymore…Failure after failure after failure…I don’t know if things are going to change but at least I can say I tried. I should just start acting my age and dream a lot more than I do. I should just go from one to another and not imagine wedding dresses and nice family holidays around the chimney. I should know better because of what I am studying that the world is changing and start acting accordingly. We are all lost and the fish-bowl doesn't have just two lost souls in it anymore but more or only one…there is no such thing as two. I hate you for not giving me a chance. I hate you for lying to me. I hate you for trying to protect me from something I could not have been protected from. I hate you for making me dream. But I guess I love you for waking me up at the end…wet and with tears in my eyes, like from a bad dream when you sleep with your fists strongly clutched and wake up with nail marks in the palm of your hand. Ana’s phobias are everyone’s, not just hers, and admitting them would be a big step forward…a step from drowning in thoughts and worries. “I thought I could do it for one month…”

1 month to go

This week was defined by people interaction. On Monday, Kamila invited all of us for dinner. Though I didn't want to stay long because the next day I had a presentation in history, we ended up coming home at 1 in the morning. But we didn't notice how time passed, because we were so many and we talked and drank so much. The house she lives in is extremely nice. It's a house in the centre of Aarhus with high sealing and wide rooms. She lives with a teacher from the University who is obsessed with birds, so his whole house was full of bird pictures, bird books and other things related to birds. We listened to some nice records and enjoyed the time we had together. I found out that one of the Spanish girls, Nuria, is going to be with some friends in Bucharest on the 16th of January so I hope we will see each other there and I'll get to be a guide for the first time in my own city. I always wondered what I could show visitors in Bucharest, because I guess I never visited it myself, I just lived in it.

Tuesday was the presentation day and though the day before I was extremely nervous about it I was tired I relaxed and was able to focus a bit better. I can't remember what else we did on Tuesday actually.

Because on Friday we had our Christmas party, Wednesday I had to cook some traditional Romanian Christmas food - sarmale. I've never done this before so it was like another exam I had to pass. To my surprise they turned out extremely well and the girls enjoyed it and didn't die or had indigestion from them.

Thursday was a really long school day. We got to watch our last Diaspora movie. This was a sign that the semester is really getting to an end. Friday we also had our last official class in Diaspora, but we decided to meet once more for dinner together at Uwe's place. And on Friday I saw the first signs of snow...not snowflakes but hail.

Friday was also the Christmas Party day. This was my first Christmas party this year and also my first party with my class mates. It was very fun. We ate together, drank Snaps and danced. I got home at 4 o'clock in the morning. I got really nostalgic and very sad on my way back. I realized that I might not be able to live at home...and this is not because of the people I met here, because they will go...neither because of the schedule I have, because I'm not going to be a student forever...but because of the feeling of being safe and being able to actually dream and follow dreams. I know this doesn't sound very realistic and it's not a good reason to reject the idea of being a "Romanian" again...but I guess I can never escape the wish to run away and reject my roots and find a better way of life (which I believe I can find somewhere in this world and that place is not be Romania). I'm sorry.

I decided to make a list of things I hate (I will not number them because I don't know which one is more important), so...I hate:

- the lines socks make on your ankle

- people eating in bed

- people not washing their dishes

- people talking only about themselves

- the cold

- my short nails

- not being taken serious because of your age and nationality

- people you cannot get rid off because at some point you are nice to them

- being away and not feeling the distance anymore

- not having a camera

Cultural drinking scheme

This week the Aarhus Film Festival was at the Paradise cinema - Aarhus FilmFestival - Insight Outsight 13-16 nov. It was low budget, almost free entrance as we only paid 7 kr and went to 7 different short movies collections or documentaries. Some were boring, some were scary, some were intriguing and some gave me headaches...but it was a nice way to spend the week.

Some of the movies we saw can actualy be found on Youtube...but I guess you have to know what to search for.

Vision - The Apology Line - UK 2007

Vision - My mother learns cinema - Turkey 2007

Sight - Procrastination - UK 2007

Sight - Madame Tutli Putli - Canada 2008

Go West - Office Noise - 2008

Change - Recipes for Disaster - Finland 2008

Speech - Citizen Havel - Czech Republic 2008

Activism - The Dictator Hunter - Holland 2007

Other than that we went to the swimming poll on Monday and some fussball in the Pshychology Department on Friday, after which...

...we had a party at Lina's house...I'm some how sorry that some of the people I live with now are going to leave next semester because I sort of started to befriend them and we get along pretty well and we started doing stuff together. Everybody is extremely friendly and you can actually learn a lot of stuff just by talking...maybe it was just the alcohol...or I don't know.

On Sunday we were a bit tired though we still went to the Film festival. In the morning, we went to buy some food from Bazar West and try to figure out what should I make as traditional Romanian food for this Friday's Christmas Party...which I guess I'm looking forward to. The diversity of foods and colours always cheer me up when I'm going there.

This week I also read a great book - The Boy in Striped Pyjamas. It's the kind of book you cannot put down once you start it. It's sad and depressing  but it's written in a simple  playful manner. I heard that there's a movie on it too...I would like to see it..I think I would cry at the movie, because picturing the images it describes is a lot different than when somebody actually puts them on screen.

At home Bianca found a dog. She took it in the house and we wanted to keep her because she was very sweet. Unfortunately she was too playful and full of life and when nobody was home and she got bored she started distorting some things around the house. So this week we had the quest of finding an owner which in the end we did.

Another week in Aarhus

This was maybe one of my busiest weeks in Aarhus since I arrived. I didn't have an unusual rhythm...I actually didn't have an unusual rhythm....I had the rhythm from home - leave in the morning return in the evening. I haven't done this since I left and it felt really good to change the speed of the passage of days.

On Monday, I didn't have classes so I had to replace school with something, since here you have to do something if you don't want to get buried in depression - not because you might be thinking about home all the time because this is a bit past tense, but because it's dark all day long and if the nature isn't happy than like all human beings getting influenced by the environment they live in - you are not happy. So we decided to go to the swimming pool. We discovered a swimming pool in the Pedagogies School. Kamila learns there and she told us about it. We aren't basically allowed there because we aren't students there but we went anyway. Like all other things - it was extremely clean. The pool isn't very big but big enough to get some exercise in it. I felt good going back in water, especially since I was thinking about summer the past days.

On Tuesday I had classes with Hagen. I also had to present my essay after class, so I had to stay a bit later in school. This was my last essay for his class, I still have a presentation and my class essay. I remember that a few weeks ago I used to think of this month as being so far and exams felt like they were never to come...but now I get a bit scared as it getting closer to an end. In the evening we went to StudeternHus...I don't know why we did it actually because nothing special was going on. I guess we just needed to get out of the house I do something...though every time we go there we don't do anything but drink a glass of bier and play fuss ball. We also drank tequila but it wasn't so great so...

Wednesday was usually a no school day, but because we didn't have law in Monday, Mathew asked us to come on Wednesday at 9 in the morning. This was a difficult task as it was the first time in a lot of months I left home for school so early. The dark and cold outside pushed me towards my bed for a few more hours of sleep, but I had to go. I didn't stay till the end of the class because I decided to join the girls to the swimming poll again. Today it was better because we were alone in the pool and we had enough space to do anything we wanted. We ate at the canteen they have there...which is really good...a bit better than ours and a bit cheaper.

Thursday was an all day school day. I started at 8 in the morning and finished at 8 in the evening. I had three classes (law, accounting and Diaspora’s). The first two were a bit difficult because I had to absorb the information and try to store it so I can make my life easier during the exam period. In Diaspora’s it was the movie session part of the movie. Again we saw something about Hindu Diaspora in US. The movie's name is Namesake and it was probably the best from what we've seen before because it was made in a very American way. The movie is about shifts and changes we all go through not just a diasporas person and how they are reflected in our name and nicknames. There is also a novel with this story as I understood from Uwe...so it might be interesting to read it. I think that after I finish school, before going home I will take some books from our 17th floors State library. We also wanted to go to sauna today...as this is our health schedule....but it's broken....maybe next week.

Friday came and so the weekend began. I had classes in the morning, but this is my favorite day in school so I'm not going to complain about anything. I also decided on my essay for this class and it's going to bit related to something at home - this is in some way also the begging of my path towards tolerance and understanding. Still the morning didn't start so well because I fell with my bike on the way. This time it was a bit worse than last time because I was in the middle of the street and while I was falling I was only thinking about the cars that might have come. But I was lucky. Not only my knee was harmed but my boots got scratched and the basket on my bike bended and I had to take it off when I got home. After school I went to the Psychology Department to eat cake with the girls. We also played some fuss ball because we didn't want to go home so early. Vento came to visit today...he didn't want me to pick him from the train station so I waited at home. We tried finding a bike for him, an abandoned bike, but we didn't succeed. I was a bit worried because I got lost when I walked form the train station the last time but he managed and surprisingly he was very fast. After we ate some Romanian cheese and goods he brought me, we went to StudenternHus. There was supposed to be a concert there. It was also J day...so we had to go out. J day is some sort of national holiday when they release the Christmas Brew Tuborg bier. At 20:59 the whole city was jingling and cars with Santa clause girls and bier started going through the city. The concert sucked so we decided to go home. We had to walk but it was nice because we go to go through the city, J day had everybody out of the houses and the streets were so crowded and nobody caret about the cold and the late hour in the night. It was beautiful and it was just like I live it....lots of people. Mara came home with us so we didn't go to bed when we got home. We stayed in the kitchen and we had till early morning philosophical talks about robots, knowledge, human kind, planets, nature and the flash. The flash was defined as the thing that makes is different, the thing - maybe idea would be a better word - that comes from nowhere and helps us evolve. The question is: where does the flash come from!? :))

Saturday was a hang over day...though I didn't really drink. I went with Vento through the city to show him around. In secret this was also a way for me to get lost in the city as I've never done this by foot. I discovered some really nice places and I hope I'll get a camera and go again to take some pictures. I like it here more and more and I'm going to miss all these images I try to cast in my mind. But there's a difference between having them there and not being able to share them the proper way. It's boring to try to describe them and I could never do it the proper way, because an image cannot be put in words, at least I can't do that. Today it was also my mother's birthday and I got to talk a bit with them on the internet, They were celebrating as usual. I miss them so much and I know they miss me too. When I go home I want to get bored with them and stay with them as much as possible. In the evening we wanted to go to an Illegal Art thing not far from the place I live. But we were a bit tired and it was to cold and dark to get out of the house again...so we decided not to. Also the girls had other plans, though at least with Marketa I was suppose to have the same plans but as usual she changed her mind. We stayed home and watched some episodes of Mad about you...till I felt asleep.

Sunday, that is today...it's raining. I don't know what we can do...we wanted to go to the beach, but I think that's out of the picture. I guess we will stay home, eat, watch some more of Mad about you and maybe read something. Update: but in the evening the rain stopped so we went to Lina's house. We saw a movie - My Big Fat Greek Wedding - ate popcorn and had a little dinner. So it wasn't a boring day after all but a nice way to end an active week. Tomorrow we're going to the swimming poll again and I guess this is how my time will pass from now on here. After two months, things finally started to settle down.

Sweet November

November is here. The holiday is over. Halloween is gone. School started again. Time seems to pass faster. Mara said she feels that the days pass really slow, maybe this is because she went home and now she only thinks about going back. In December she will finish her Erasmus semester and she will not be coming back again for spring. I will miss her and I really hope somebody nice will come in her place. I will have her room starting January, so I will have to give up my little sanctuary and build another one. But it isn't going to be as difficult as it was with this one, because I already now the house and my things are pretty much in order. Even if I don't have a very social, active life here I like the silence and peace I get every time I look out the window in the morning. We have bicycles, sauna and a really nice running place - a lot of little relaxation spots. I guess this is what I will miss most about Aarhus...the ability to clear my mind everyday by doing pleasant things.

November didn't start as bad as the period of the year announces it. It isn't very cold - or at least it isn't raining anymore. The rain stopped these days and the winter cold stepped in. This morning when I woke up everything was white. It wasn't snow, because from what I heard it doesn't really snow here...it was frost...winter frost. The grass is still green so the feeling of life still exists. If this is how winter will be here it will be even more difficult to leave it behind and turn it into a memory.

I'm happy because this week I didn't really have school. I had a free Wednesday, Thursday and Friday...which means a long weekend. Still I had to make my essay for Hagen (International History)...but it wasn't such a pain. I hope this is how the second half of the semester will be. I'm thinking about going home but this thought always makes me look with fear at the exam period :D. I found out that my last exam will be on my last day before winter holiday. In one way I am glad I will really forget about all these things once I get on the plane but on the other hand I will not have time to enjoy my last winter days in Aarhus.

I personalized my room a bit to give it a warmer feeling. I built a little picture out of postcards. My own masterpiece.