Sunday, November 23, 2008

Anonymous lives

I’ve decided to post about something that doesn't belong to me anymore. I’m tired, sad and pissed, but I guess I can’t do anything at the moment to change any of these. I let somebody hid their weakness behind my decisions again. I guess the thing that I said about hating people judging you by age applies. So fucking what if I’m only 22?! Am I not qualified to be honest with my feelings?! Till some days ago I had thoughts about my life and the way it should be. I guess when it takes so long for you to decide others do it for you. I don’t feel like returning anymore…Failure after failure after failure…I don’t know if things are going to change but at least I can say I tried. I should just start acting my age and dream a lot more than I do. I should just go from one to another and not imagine wedding dresses and nice family holidays around the chimney. I should know better because of what I am studying that the world is changing and start acting accordingly. We are all lost and the fish-bowl doesn't have just two lost souls in it anymore but more or only one…there is no such thing as two. I hate you for not giving me a chance. I hate you for lying to me. I hate you for trying to protect me from something I could not have been protected from. I hate you for making me dream. But I guess I love you for waking me up at the end…wet and with tears in my eyes, like from a bad dream when you sleep with your fists strongly clutched and wake up with nail marks in the palm of your hand. Ana’s phobias are everyone’s, not just hers, and admitting them would be a big step forward…a step from drowning in thoughts and worries. “I thought I could do it for one month…”

Saturday, November 22, 2008

1 month to go

This week was defined by people interaction. On Monday, Kamila invited all of us for dinner. Though I didn't want to stay long because the next day I had a presentation in history, we ended up coming home at 1 in the morning. But we didn't notice how time passed, because we were so many and we talked and drank so much. The house she lives in is extremely nice. It's a house in the centre of Aarhus with high sealing and wide rooms. She lives with a teacher from the University who is obsessed with birds, so his whole house was full of bird pictures, bird books and other things related to birds. We listened to some nice records and enjoyed the time we had together. I found out that one of the Spanish girls, Nuria, is going to be with some friends in Bucharest on the 16th of January so I hope we will see each other there and I'll get to be a guide for the first time in my own city. I always wondered what I could show visitors in Bucharest, because I guess I never visited it myself, I just lived in it.

Tuesday was the presentation day and though the day before I was extremely nervous about it I was tired I relaxed and was able to focus a bit better. I can't remember what else we did on Tuesday actually.

Because on Friday we had our Christmas party, Wednesday I had to cook some traditional Romanian Christmas food - sarmale. I've never done this before so it was like another exam I had to pass. To my surprise they turned out extremely well and the girls enjoyed it and didn't die or had indigestion from them.

Thursday was a really long school day. We got to watch our last Diaspora movie. This was a sign that the semester is really getting to an end. Friday we also had our last official class in Diaspora, but we decided to meet once more for dinner together at Uwe's place. And on Friday I saw the first signs of snow...not snowflakes but hail.

Friday was also the Christmas Party day. This was my first Christmas party this year and also my first party with my class mates. It was very fun. We ate together, drank Snaps and danced. I got home at 4 o'clock in the morning. I got really nostalgic and very sad on my way back. I realized that I might not be able to live at home...and this is not because of the people I met here, because they will go...neither because of the schedule I have, because I'm not going to be a student forever...but because of the feeling of being safe and being able to actually dream and follow dreams. I know this doesn't sound very realistic and it's not a good reason to reject the idea of being a "Romanian" again...but I guess I can never escape the wish to run away and reject my roots and find a better way of life (which I believe I can find somewhere in this world and that place is not be Romania). I'm sorry.

I decided to make a list of things I hate (I will not number them because I don't know which one is more important), so...I hate:
- the lines socks make on your ankle
- people eating in bed
- people not washing their dishes
- people talking only about themselves
- the cold
- my short nails
- not being taken serious because of your age and nationality
- people you cannot get rid off because at some point you are nice to them
- being away and not feeling the distance anymore
- not having a camera

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Cultural drinking scheme

This week the Aarhus Film Festival was at the Paradise cinema - Aarhus FilmFestival - Insight Outsight 13-16 nov. It was low budget, almost free entrance as we only paid 7 kr and went to 7 different short movies collections or documentaries. Some were boring, some were scary, some were intriguing and some gave me headaches...but it was a nice way to spend the week.

Some of the movies we saw can actualy be found on Youtube...but I guess you have to know what to search for.

Vision - The Apology Line - UK 2007

Vision - My mother learns cinema - Turkey 2007

Sight - Procrastination - UK 2007

Sight - Madame Tutli Putli - Canada 2008


Go West - Office Noise - 2008

Change - Recipes for Disaster - Finland 2008

Speech - Citizen Havel - Czech Republic 2008

Activism - The Dictator Hunter - Holland 2007

Other than that we went to the swimming poll on Monday and some fussball in the Pshychology Department on Friday, after which...

...we had a party at Lina's house...I'm some how sorry that some of the people I live with now are going to leave next semester because I sort of started to befriend them and we get along pretty well and we started doing stuff together. Everybody is extremely friendly and you can actually learn a lot of stuff just by talking...maybe it was just the alcohol...or I don't know.

On Sunday we were a bit tired though we still went to the Film festival. In the morning, we went to buy some food from Bazar West and try to figure out what should I make as traditional Romanian food for this Friday's Christmas Party...which I guess I'm looking forward to. The diversity of foods and colours always cheer me up when I'm going there.

This week I also read a great book - The Boy in Striped Pyjamas. It's the kind of book you cannot put down once you start it. It's sad and depressing  but it's written in a simple  playful manner. I heard that there's a movie on it too...I would like to see it..I think I would cry at the movie, because picturing the images it describes is a lot different than when somebody actually puts them on screen.


At home Bianca found a dog. She took it in the house and we wanted to keep her because she was very sweet. Unfortunately she was too playful and full of life and when nobody was home and she got bored she started distorting some things around the house. So this week we had the quest of finding an owner which in the end we did.