Reflection of The Self

Coming back to Bucharest also meant a come back to a lot of what "it used to be". The difference now was that what I used to have did not fit to what I was feeling anymore. I tried doing new things and continue others from where I left them, but it just didn't feel right. As a result, after a strong inside war and aggressive reactions I now feel sorry for, I managed to cut some strings. It is extremely difficult for me to stop talking to people and my reactions prove my struggle to convince myself that this is what I have to do.

I realized most of  these things only after actually listening to other people, and trying a bit of the personal development practices that are out there. I am still afraid of going in very deep, but what satisfied me and gave me trust, because I never felt the words "in my face", is Lise Bourbeau's methods. She is the founder of the Canadian school of Personal Development...a very trendy new wave.

"Listen to your body" is based on the 5 wounds (rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice) that we all have within us, and the acknowledgment of the 5 masks (withdrawal, dependence, masochism, control, rigidity) that they bring to life when activated. The wounds are created from the moment of conception till you are about 7 years old. After that, whenever a person or an action that you come across in your life subconsciously takes you back to something that happened in your development period, your wound is activated and your mask comes up. That's when you stop being yourself and react as some would say a mental person.

When I first got her book I was actually afraid to read it, so I just skimmed it. The first mask I found myself under was rigidity. I do look for perfection and I am afraid of injustice. The wound is created in your relationship with the same sex parent...I never went further to discover when and why...but from the reactions that this mask determines, I am fully there. The bad part is that when I feel injustice towards me I become a bit aggressive and accuse people of not being responsible enough. I also tend to say "yes" when I mean "no" or force myself to smile even if I don't feel like it. These are just a small part of the phrases I saw myself reflected in. I am sure that a lot of the people I know or knew can say that this is right. I was happy to think that this was it...this is not that bad and anger is part of our system. The only thing is that I am a lot more aggressive, and by reading a bit more I have to accept that I also have a wound created by the opposite sex parent and that wound is betrayal.

I acknowledged it after attending a seminar this week and looking back at my quick reply to "what do you hate most in others?" - LIE. After reading the description of my newly acknowledged mask I saw myself as a control freak....especially in my relationships...all of them. I do get cocky, I do become aggressive, I do lose my patience very fast and I do feel like I must have the last word. It is not easy to say it...at all...especially for someone who's other mask looks for perfection.

This is an important step....now I have to try and fix them they say, and this is where things get complicated.

It was easier of course to recognize a lot of the people I know/knew in these masks. You would be amazed how easy it is to get that person's image in your head as you go through the reactions an activated wound has. I guess that after seeing yourself so easily reflected in a list of ugly things you do to other people, it's not that easy to move on. I do not feel depressed, I might feel ashamed after seeing my reflection there. Still I kinda like my wounds...I just have to find a way to ware out my aggressive vision towards life.

If you are not afraid of finding out a bit about the skeletons in your personal closet, then I recommend that you skim, not necessarily read - Heal Your Wounds & Find Your True Self by Lise Bourbeau. It is childish to think that you do not have any of these things, try it...go through it alone and offer yourself a moment to think. The answer will come to your mind...it's just a matter of accepting it or not. She has a lot of other good books I would recommend, but try at least this one.

Animus - Anima

"...pe canapeau din salon Ea si El nu sunt singuri. Au insotitori launtrici care le hotarasc atractiile sau repulsiile fara stirea lor. Acesti insotitori sunt animus si anima....Urma arhetipului e vizibila in faptul ca orice individ poarta in el o reprezentare mai mult sau mai putin clara a partenerului ideal. In inconstient exista o dispozitie innascuta de a produce o asemenea reprezentare. 

... Jung a dat acestor tendinte universale numele de arhetipuri. In cazul particular care ne procupa el a dat numele de "anima" reprezentarii launtrice a femininului la barbat si pe cel de "animus" reprezentarii masculinului la femeie. Psihanalistul elvetian a ajuns la aceste concluzii analizand visurile a numerosi barbati si femei. A constatat ca barbatii visau adesea femei necunoscute si mistrioase si ca aceste vise le inspirau de cele mai multe ori respect. Cat priveste femeile, in visele lor apareau de multe ori grupuri de barbati care exercitau asupra lor aceeasi fascinatie. Jung a ajuns la concluzia urmatoare: contraponderea noastra sexuala, cea care a fost reprimata din cauza sexului nostru nedeclarat, continua sa traiasca in noi sub trasaturile unei persoane de sex opus.

E vorba de cealalta jumatatate a noastra. E vorba de personalitatea noastra interioara, pe acre insa, pentru ca nu o cunoastem, o cautam in afara noastra. De aici intregul joc al asteptarilor si iluziilor ce se nasc in iubire, caci dorim nespus ca partenerii nostri sa corespunda imaginii ideale pe care o purtam in noi. Totul se petrece ca si cum animus si anima ne-ar incurca in avetura iubirii, dar adevarata lor functie este sa fie recunoscute ca dimensiuni ale fiintei noastre launtrice. Cat timp le pretindem partenerilor nostri sa se schimbe, le cerem sa intruchipeze intocmai arhetipul pe care-l purtam in noi; ceea ce evident le este cu neputinta.

Probabil ca in realitate, animus si anima cheama atat la aventura setimentala exterioara, cat si la aventura creatoare launtrica. Intr-o prima perioada a vietii, cand cunoastem iubirea, ele ne scot de sub tutela familiei, incutandu-ne sa cream propria noastra unitate familiala.

... Dar, desi animus si anima reprezinta insusi arhetipul vietii care ne cere sa evoluam departe de parintii nostri, trebuie spus ca aceleasi figuri pot ramane prozoniere ale complexelor parentale daca acestea sunt puternice si negative. Atunci ele inhiba tendinta de autonomie a tinerilor barbati sau femei. Tema este de altfel exploatata si in basme, in care vedem o printesa inchisa de tatal ei in turnul castelului. In plan simbolic, cavalerul care vine sa o salveze reprezinta deopotriva animusul ce se trezeste in fata si iubirea care o face sa paraseasca mediul parental.

In tendita spre autonomie nu se poate implini din cauza unor compleze parentale care inhiba eul si impiedica dezvoltarea naturala, animus si anima se transforma in contrariul lor. Capacitatea unei femei de a lua initiative devine atunci asteptare pasiva. Daca situatia se prelungeste, animusul ei, incatusat fiind, isi pierde forta sau se inacreste. In vreme ce animus reprezinta capacitatea unieu femei de a lua initiative, anima reprezinta capacitatea de a iubi a unui barbat. Daca barbatul isi reprima sensibilitatea, aceasta poate deveni capricioasa si agitata, cerandu-si drepturile sub forma unori umori irationale care, impotriva vointei lui, pun stapanire pe el. Un asemena barbat se poate lasa prada deprimarii si disperarii fara a opune rezistenta. 

... La modul general, animus reprezinta curajul, initiativa, fermitatea, actiunea, verbul si spiritualitatea in sesn larg; intruchiparile lui sunt omul de curaj si de actiune, artistul, liderul carismatic sau maestrul spiritual. Iar acestea sunt intr-adevar calitatile pe care femeile le cauta adesea la barbati. Anima intruchipea`a sentimentele, satrile sufletesti vagi, intuitiile, capacitatea de iubire personala, sentimentul naturii, relatia cu inconstientul. Ea apare in cultura sub trasaturile femeii evanescente si mistrioase, ale ruralei senzuale si patimase, ale femeii poetice si cultivate, ale calauzei spirituale sau ale preotesei. Sunt totodata tipurile de femei pe care le cauta barbatii.

Jung observa ca,la barbatul care s eidentifica puternic cu ratiunea sa si care nu da curs nevoilor sale relationale, anima se va exprima sub forma unor unori incontrolabile si irationale ce pun stapanire pe el in momente neasteptate. Aceste umori spontane il poseda si fenomenul va persista atat timp cat el nu va stbili un raport constient cu feminitate alui interioara. Din acelasi motiv, se va indragosti fulgerator atunci cand va "recunoaste" inconstient o parte din el insusi in alta persoana. Altfel spus, sensibilitatea lui inconstienta are puterea de a pune stapanire pe el fara voia lui pentru ca nu i se face loc in viata constienta. 

....Acelasi lucru este valabil pentru femeia identificata cu feminitatea traditionala. Ea sustine mortis opinii imposibil de sustinut din punct de vedere rational, fara sa abuca vreun argument in sprijinul spuselor sale. Ea stie si asta ar trebui sa fie suficient. Este supusa unui atac al animusului, comparabil cu asaltul pe care anima in da asupra barbatului. femeia nu va putea scapa de domnul aceast care se pretinde atotstiutor decat atunci cand ii va da o sansa de a se exprima mai bie si va indrazni sa-si confrunte parerile cu relaitatea comuna si obiectiva.

...Jung tragea concluzia ca femeia ii cauta pe toti barbatii intr-un singur barbat, in vreme ce barbatul cauta femeia din toate femeile. Iata de ce femeia este in general mai fidela decat barbatul si adesea ea se teme de barbati, vazut ca grup nediferentiat, in timp ce prezenta unui partener o linisteste; dimpotriva, un barbat se teme de intimitatea cu o femeie, dar nu se va teme de femeie in general.

....In rezumat, am putea spune ca anima e acea frota din barbat care inspira nevoia de a iubi si de a fi iubit, de a ocroti si de a fi apreciat. Este capacitatea de iubire si de aceptare, de toleranta extrema si de compasiune nesfarsita. Pervertita, ea se transforma in dependenta, supunere, servitute, sclavie si masochism. reprimata, devina raceala, respingere, apasare, Ea il va face pe barbat sa caute inconstient partenere care intruchipeaza unul sau altul din aceste aspecte, permitandu-i astfel sa se descopere pe sine.

Animusul este acea energie care se implineste transformand materia prin vointa sa. Este puterea de actiune, de miscare, de initiativa. Perverti, devine fantezie maniaca, autoritarism, dictatura, sadism. Reprimat se transforma in slabiciune, lipsa de rigoare, autodistrugere. Femeia va cauta si ea parteneri care-i intruchipeaza aceste dimensiuni inconstiente, pentru a invata sa se cunoasca."

Exista iubiri fericite?

Guy Corneau

Why I'd rather be a Dog than a Romanian

Recently an old problem of the Romanian society was brought in the spotlight.

Event:

A woman was killed by a pack of dogs on a private property. The woman did not enter the property through the gate, but through a hole in the fence. Those dogs were of common breed, but were kept in the yard to protect it from scrap thieves.

Reaction:

All stray dogs represent a problem and should be taken off the streets of Bucharest/ Romania, and most likely euthanised because they are too many (about 20 thousand) and it's too expencive to manage them.

Stupidity fact no. 1:

In Romania there is no law that obliges owners to register their pets. Those dogs were kept there and fed with the purpose of protecting the yard. They were unfortunate to be of common breed. If those were, let's say, Rottweilers then they were guard dogs ment to protect that yard - how stupid can one be to think that stray dogs can also be considered guard dogs?! In certain countries you can shoot a person without any question if he/she enters a private property.

Doesn't matter the stray dogs are responsible!

Stupitidy fact no. 2:

Stray dogs have always been a problem for Romania, before and after the communist regime. Because Romanian politics, and the society in general, is built by the same old, lazy, mischevous fucks, nothing has been done until now - and will not from now on either. Stray dogs are a very good argument in campaigns, because people are very sensible to the problem.

After the event, TV channels and newspapers reacted acording to their political color. The media reactions were either extremly harsh, with images of dogs attacking eachother and people...or very gentle, but without realistic solutions to the problem and avoiding to point the finger on those responsible for the situation we are in. The public opinion's reaction was not suprising at all ... depending on what they hear, they react - for example if at the very moment a person has 3 arguments against stray dogs, everybody will agree; if after five minutes someone else comes with more or less than 3 argumets for stray dogs the same group of people will most likely agree again.

It's not the first time I notice that Romanians are mentally unstable. Hitler would be ashamed of how fast he would convince these people to kill eachother.

A lot of money are put in the city's budget to solve this problem, every year...and like magic it becomes worse and worse.The only realistic solution to the problem, but one that would also take some time, would be to pass a law that forces all dog owners to register their dogs and those that are not of pure breed to be spayed and neutered. This law exists but has been waiting to pass the Parliament for over three years. Also, abandoning a pet should be a falony. A law actually exists that punishes those abandoning their animals on the public domain, but from my experience I can tell you that it does not apply. Again, stray dogs are a very good argument in campaigns and bring a lot of money.

As for the stray dogs we already have, I believe that they are everybody's responsability. We are a society and we have to be together for better and for worse.

Stupidity fact no. 3

Romanians like violence. They enjoy blood and murder, just like most of the people on this planet who still let their cerebellar tonsil coordinate their emotions. The general reaction was "THEY HAVE TO DIE!!! We do not care whether they are humanly euthanised or not, whom do we have to pay to kill them?"

Romania is an orthodox country...this means traditional Christians that believe in God and obey the 10 Comandmants. There is a church at every crossroad and 70% of the people on the bus will make the cross sign and say something when they pass a church. Trust me...this means a lot of cross signs in one day. Over 90% of the population has a cross or a picture of a holy someone in their house, their purse, their car (some might even have 50 crosses on the windshield - it's a trend lately), their office etc.When you hear this, you expect a bunch of charitable, compassionate, mersiful, generous, forgiving and pitiful (all sinonyms were needed) people ... but their first reaction is KILL THEM, I DO NOT CARE HOW.

Hmmm....let us reconsider our belief system. Doesn't one of those comendments say "DO NOT KILL"? I don't recall a "P.S. except for stray dogs".

The stray dogs must be responsible for this also. After all, they are the ones fucking with peoples brains so that they don't know what to do and think anymore.

Stupidity fact no. 4

Romanians have no idea about civic culture. I remember I used to learn that in school, in the 3rd grade or something....my sister never did - 11 years later. After all what do we need civic culture for?! We are here to make money and to fight - even if this involves using detours. Romania is Machiavelli's perfect picture at the moment.

For this reason, it's not just the dogs that are responsible, but also those loosers volunteering to take them of the streets and take care of them. They blabel about spaying and neutering, and refuse to understand that the only way to get rid of the problem is to kill all stray dogs :))

These are just a few of the arguments for which I would rather be a dog that's doing what he's "paid" to do than a mentally deranged, mischievous Romanian.