Romania's unwanted grown ups

I'm talking about my generation. By generation I mostly refer to the people born in the '80s. That was a pretty rough period in communist Romania. Ceausescu turned mental and wanted to reach impossible stars. Some of us only spent few years in communism, kindergarden or just the first years of school. Let's say we stared on the wrong foot. I'm saying that because ones childhood is reflected later in all his desires and reactions. Most of us are the product of unwanted pregnancies...same as most of our parents. We are a generation of tormented people, born out of another tormented generation. Abortion was a big no in communism, especially after the 1966 Decree. Ceausescu's industrial dream of equality brought peasants into city factories which brought mixed feelings in people's hearts. The fact that they weren't even allowed to express these feelings made frustrations grow and people change. This is who our parents are ... a rootless generation who did not have the power to choose. Funny how on the bus I only hear elderly people (grandparents) regretting the wonders of communism.

I'd say that we are the same. We started our life as equals and lived our childhood through the biggest change a state could go through - going from dictatorship to democracy. We are just as rootless and even worse. While our parents at least had their plan made by the state, we struggle to make ours. We have no guidance because nobody could even help us understand how to choose what's right, and that's why we lie, we become dependable, we are depressive and don't know how to behave most of the time. We choose to flee and live abroad because we long to blend in. We want to find out who we are, get accepted and mostly respected. We have no hope for/from/in a country that forced us to come into this world and then abandoned us.

This happens everywhere but Romanians, as people, have a certain pride that instead of making them smart, interesting, unique and special in their own country, it turns them into hypocrites, liars and double-dealers that so nicely become nothing but a piece in the grey puzzle. Such a pity to see young grown ups wasting themselves with frustrations and regrets.

Turn the page

Tomorrow is my last day of internship at the US Embassy. I started it out of curiosity and the need to learn new stuff. I hate having spare time and doing nothing, when there are so many things to do and people to discover in this world. I have to admit that after this month and a half of being an intern and employee, I am tired and I need a break. I'll get it at the end of next week...a well deserved trip to Milan.

This was a full week. Monday was the Intercontinental event I helped organize and I met the Ambassador, mr. Mark Gintestein. Not only did I meet him, but I shook hands with him and had a little chat. I could feel the blood rushing in my cheeks, but I stood brave. It was a great experience, and not just because he's an authority in my eyes. Keith praised me and that made me melt....I definitely have to work on my skills in this area. I realized that I hate it when people say good things about me to people who don't actually know me. Olivia would say that this is the "know it all" and "perfectionist" in me who feels the need to prove itself.

The whole internship was a great experience...I attended so many events, learned how to do a professional sector market research and organize an Embassy event. I am so happy I took it. I did not get an employment offer or something, because the internship is not about this, but I am sure that I'll get recommended.

It was a good week at work as well. I love my job in general, and I said it a hundred times already.

PS ...this is a very agitated December and I hate it, because I feel that the year is ending and I don't even know when. It's already middle December and I still have to do so many things before the end of the year and I don't have time. And there's no snow yet....this year I'll mark the first day of snow (probably tomorrow).

What goes around comes around

Ever heard about the "kicked in the ass by karma" thing. Well I have, and it seams that I'm living it. How does it feel? Like a fat annoying man rubbing against you on the bus...that's how bad it is. You can't have it all, they say, but why can't you have a bit of everything?

I know it's my fault and that my attitude is wrong, but where the hell is my invisibility coat when I need it? That might be my only chance to stop making bad decisions and being a fool. This has definitely been a very bad year on a personal level...very bad. That should change next year, and if it doesn't get better, at least I hope it's going to be neutral.

I'm working on that list, and my mind keeps adding new things by the minute. I'm turning 25, quarter of a century and I believe half way through life. Not only should I start anti aging cream, but also reflect on my values and switch my priorities.