Zurich

About a month ago I pined another city on my map - Zurich. Switzerland does not sound like a very promising land to me. I see it like a suited up country with a very German life style.

That's why I was not that anxious to be there. I thought it would be just another Germanic style city, with a few things to visit - most of all Protestant churches.

During the conference I didn't have so much time to visit around, except for the night when we had our client event. I have to say that by that time I already concluded that they just became my second favourite country on the food map - delicious dishes. My first glimpse of the city left me with the feeling of being part of a very well done painting. A painting that did not have human life in it - but very good looking buildings. Close to what I was expecting, but once the sunny weekend came, the German like city became very Italian.

Swiss people are a really good mix of hard work and leisure. I am still surprised to say that I enjoyed the city more than I expected. Their suits go off during the weekend and they reveal tattooed bodies, and a mix of personalities. The best frame I captured is that of two young couples in the park. The ones on the right were very romantic - he was playing the guitar for her and the one on the left were very though - he was doing push ups next to her.

Not to mention the beauty of the city....it definitely went between my top cities to live in...

ADOPTED baby Seth!

Abandoned in a metro station, Seth is a 3 weeks old kitty who needs a home.

His tiny blue eyes are the proof that he needed to stay with his momma longer. He's just learning how to eat and drink water from the bowl. His ears have not yet lifted and his tail makes him look like a funny furry small rat. He finds it difficult to maintain his balance...and when you're that small every step needs a little push.

Even so, he is a brave little kitten. He runs after you and tries to climb into your arms. He likes to discover new places like any curious cat, and his favorite place is under the bed.

Right now he's temporarily fostered into my office, but he needs to find a home by the end of the week.

Please help Seth discover the world and let him hug you for a while.

After learning in less then one week how to eat and use his litter box...Seth was adopted. His new name is Tomi and he has two cat brothers and a dog uncle :P

Reflection of The Self

Coming back to Bucharest also meant a come back to a lot of what "it used to be". The difference now was that what I used to have did not fit to what I was feeling anymore. I tried doing new things and continue others from where I left them, but it just didn't feel right. As a result, after a strong inside war and aggressive reactions I now feel sorry for, I managed to cut some strings. It is extremely difficult for me to stop talking to people and my reactions prove my struggle to convince myself that this is what I have to do.

I realized most of  these things only after actually listening to other people, and trying a bit of the personal development practices that are out there. I am still afraid of going in very deep, but what satisfied me and gave me trust, because I never felt the words "in my face", is Lise Bourbeau's methods. She is the founder of the Canadian school of Personal Development...a very trendy new wave.

"Listen to your body" is based on the 5 wounds (rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice) that we all have within us, and the acknowledgment of the 5 masks (withdrawal, dependence, masochism, control, rigidity) that they bring to life when activated. The wounds are created from the moment of conception till you are about 7 years old. After that, whenever a person or an action that you come across in your life subconsciously takes you back to something that happened in your development period, your wound is activated and your mask comes up. That's when you stop being yourself and react as some would say a mental person.

When I first got her book I was actually afraid to read it, so I just skimmed it. The first mask I found myself under was rigidity. I do look for perfection and I am afraid of injustice. The wound is created in your relationship with the same sex parent...I never went further to discover when and why...but from the reactions that this mask determines, I am fully there. The bad part is that when I feel injustice towards me I become a bit aggressive and accuse people of not being responsible enough. I also tend to say "yes" when I mean "no" or force myself to smile even if I don't feel like it. These are just a small part of the phrases I saw myself reflected in. I am sure that a lot of the people I know or knew can say that this is right. I was happy to think that this was it...this is not that bad and anger is part of our system. The only thing is that I am a lot more aggressive, and by reading a bit more I have to accept that I also have a wound created by the opposite sex parent and that wound is betrayal.

I acknowledged it after attending a seminar this week and looking back at my quick reply to "what do you hate most in others?" - LIE. After reading the description of my newly acknowledged mask I saw myself as a control freak....especially in my relationships...all of them. I do get cocky, I do become aggressive, I do lose my patience very fast and I do feel like I must have the last word. It is not easy to say it...at all...especially for someone who's other mask looks for perfection.

This is an important step....now I have to try and fix them they say, and this is where things get complicated.

It was easier of course to recognize a lot of the people I know/knew in these masks. You would be amazed how easy it is to get that person's image in your head as you go through the reactions an activated wound has. I guess that after seeing yourself so easily reflected in a list of ugly things you do to other people, it's not that easy to move on. I do not feel depressed, I might feel ashamed after seeing my reflection there. Still I kinda like my wounds...I just have to find a way to ware out my aggressive vision towards life.

If you are not afraid of finding out a bit about the skeletons in your personal closet, then I recommend that you skim, not necessarily read - Heal Your Wounds & Find Your True Self by Lise Bourbeau. It is childish to think that you do not have any of these things, try it...go through it alone and offer yourself a moment to think. The answer will come to your mind...it's just a matter of accepting it or not. She has a lot of other good books I would recommend, but try at least this one.