Perfect face

The plastic surgery obsession is everywhere and women can't deny the wish, the aspiration towards perfection. If a girl would tell me she has never ever in her life thought about this, I would call her a shameless liar. Of course there is a big step between thinking about this and actually doing it. You might have the money, but you fear the post surgical pain or you might have the guts, but lack financial founds. I find my self at this point, as well as my friend (girl - girlfriend) in the second category. The plan is made...what to do and when to do it...we just need the money and the time. Wanting a plastic surgery does not mean that you have a low self esteem...it has nothing to do with that, we don't consider ourselves ugly and we don't not hide from the rest of the world...and that is why I consider the denial towards great features a disease. You cannot be a woman if you refuse yourself that you like being beautiful...through whatever means needed.

Another wish on my chaotic list...booked under "this is who I used to be".

Speechless souls

Since my dog has been euthanised a part of our family feels like missing. We think we hear scratches on the door and the sounds she used to make. Because I was missing, when I came back home I was expecting her to bark and come before me, waving her tail chaotically and jumping on my legs to greet me. I still felt like asking "Did Loli go out?". The feeling started disappearing now...but I still have some speechless souls around me.

This is to Lolita and the big sad eyes of the stray dogs searching for love on the streets of Romania.

Adios, but I'll be back!

I'm talking about long distance relationships. Not those internet things, that happen only virtually, and people get to meet after they got middle way without partners actually touching each other. I am talking about those that start with touches, smells, images and sensory memories, but all of the sudden one leaves. He leaves because plans have been made before they knew each other, or in a shaky moment in the relationship. Everybody knows, but the hope of something happening meanwhile raises chances and takes the thought away.

I've been the one leaving somebody behind and left behind - I've been taken to the airport and took people to the airport. Though it may seem that the person leaving gets the easy way out, for me it wasn't like that. Sure, you go to new places and discover new things, but you constantly think about the memories you had at home. You always think that person you care about is still there and whenever they miss, they go there, remember and put a smile on their face. When you are gone you don't get this opportunity, and the slight feeling of depression makes you sour towards the new things that surround you. You don't want that...you want what you had. After the first euphoric month of reaching the place where you wanted to be all your life, you realize that you become so paranoid that it becomes hell.

When you are left behind, you still have your friends, your places, your activities...of course you miss...but you don't get depressions, you are an optimist in this position. You know it will be over...you get a bit of paranoia because of the new people they meet, but you know that at some point they will be back.

Unfortunately I can't speak about when you know that they will most likely never return. I will be close to somebody in this situation...but I don't really know how to act. I always feel like saying "it will be ok...he will be back"...knowing that chances are that it will not happen.

There are no such things as long distance relationships, when you know that your partner is gone for good. You cannot switch what you had at the beginning with a computer and a camera. You cannot imagine the feelings you once lived through together.