Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My stupid phobias

While trying to solve some intellectual property cases last night, my brain decided to take a brake and think about non relevant life things. Ana's post about phobias made me think about my own...but not in such a deep way.

Definition
A phobia is an intense, unrealistic fear, which can interfere with the ability to socialize, work, or go about everyday life, which is brought on by an object, event or situation.
This isn't being "crazy" — people know fully well their fears are unreasonable — but they can not control the fear. These people have phobias.
Phobias belong to a large group of mental problems known as "anxiety disorders" that include obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Phobias themselves can be divided into three specific types:
- specific phobias (formerly called "simple phobias")
- social phobia
- agoraphobia

I was thinking about stupid phobias I have and I came up with three of them (in order of stupidity – if taken the other way around it’s the order in which they influence my social life):

Phobia no. 1
This is a really stupid phobia. I have the phobia of having an accident or even dieing and not being shaved or waxed or whatever. This is the most ridiculous thing that could preoccupy me...but it does. In cases like these you might end up in the hospital or at the morgue...either way you would at some point be naked, taken pictures of or other similar stuff. What if I have hair all over my body? I know...nobody would care, but I would...even if I would be dead. I mean I wouldn't mind being a nice corps. This kind of proves how selfish and self centered I am...but seriously it is a phobia.

Phobia no. 2
I am afraid of the shower curtain. This is also one of the reasons I hate the shower...I can't really get fully relaxed in it. I don't know when this phobia started, but I sure have it for a few years now. It is a nightmare for me to pull the shower curtain while I am taking a shower. And if I have to wash may hair and keep my eyes closed, my adrenalin goes higher than ever. You cannot imagine for how many times I got shampoo in my eyes because I had to open them. The idea is that I have the feeling that somebody is watching me. Not necessarily wanting to harm me, but watching me. I even have this person's image. He is a man...but I have no idea who he is...still it's always the same face. I don't know if this is a thing that has its roots somewhere in my childhood, but the fear of being followed and watched still haunts me. I sometimes see this person behind me in the mirror when I am washing my face...but this happens rarely...but I can always feel him hiding behind the shower curtain.

Phobia no. 3
Ok...this is the phobia everybody knows about…my cleaning phobia. It's actually an obsession...the phobia stays in the lack of organization of things. I mean if all glasses are lined up and one is a little bit more to the left than the others, what's wrong in moving it one cm so that it gets lined up with the others!? The problem is that I don't do this only with my stuff, but recelty I realised I do it everywhere I go, even in bars and social places...darn. This is a thing that completely freaks me out. I tried ignoring it when it occurs, but I can't. I have to put things right, I cannot focus on anything else till I do it...and if I don't do it and I am no longer able to do it, I would think about it for a long time. Freaky I know..

Sunday, December 07, 2008

The simple things I want to do

- play Sims with Bianca
- take out Lolita
- go to my great grandmother’s grave and light a candle, probably (for sure) cry
- sleep with Ana and Irina in Ana's bed :) - it has to be all three of us (Ana, I will wash the dishes and cook if you agree to adopt me)
- meet with all the people I know (or almost...I don't know if they all want to)
- have a burger or two with my old friend, Cata (or more than that...as long as it includes talking)
- clean my room (even if it's clean, it has to be Laura style cleaning)
- go by tram, trolleybus, bus(anything but bike)...oh and metro
- wax (thank you Ana for making this possible)
- go through everything I left home to make sure I didn’t forget them (clothes, books, cds, magazines, pictures, bags, hats, shoes etc) – I miss all my stuff so much, I love the lifeless, plastic, artificial, materialistic side of me
- no more speaking English
- wear ironed clothes (as much as I hate this and though I thought I would never say it, I'm tired of looking as if I just came out of the washing machine)
- eat fat food, meat and toxic stuff (anything but vegetables, fruits and cereals)
- drink anything but tea and milk
- as a result from the two above - get fat :)
- do Tae Bo with Ana (to burn the fat)
- meet with Alex (I owe it and I'm doing it because I love you not because you will hate me and haunt me in my dreams telling me what a bitch I am)
- see snow (there is no winter without snow and if I don't see it at home I will probably not see it this year - make snow angels and play like a dog that hasn't been out for days)
- slap Dan (because he deserves it :)
- visit my work mates
- go to Ana's place, stay in the kitchen and chit chat till forever
- go in a supermarket right before Christmas when it's really crowded (I miss the crowd)
- get stuck in traffic
- take a long, hot bath (I'm starting to hate the shower...it lacks feelings)
- eat rum chocolate (:D - I'm still thinking about it) and any kind of chocolate I get my hands/mouth on
- go to Mini Prix with Ana and Irina and try on stuff
- get glasses (I'm blind)
- see thousands of movies
- not learn anything, not read anything about history, law and accounting
- not sleep for one month (totally unrealistic but I can try)
- go to the new place Ana's dancing at and dance with her all night long and leave together really early in the morning
- walk through Bucharest (not by night - I can remember the pleasure of always looking back and being paranoid about people following me - I don't really miss that)

The above list is absolutely random and I will add stuff that go through my mind till I'll be home, print it and do them. I never thought I would be so excited about going home - I have butterflies in my stomach and I get the same feeling I get when I am in love or going to have blood taken for analyses - speechless and scared, feeling like fainting but trying not to show it.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Still green but without leafs

- this is a very popular Danish song I always hear when I turn on the radio -

This week my fourth month of Denmark started. I can’t believe it's my forth month...time passed really fast and I'm starting to think that I should really use it smart. Sleeping and doing useless stuff doesn't help me build memories and feelings. On Monday, 1st of December, we had our national day. This was probably the first time when I didn't enjoy the idea of the celebration, because I never actually feast and I think nobody does. In stead of enjoying a long weekend like the people at home, I woke up at 7 and went to school to study history with my study group. We had 7 hours of history and my head was completely knocked at the end of the day. I couldn't sleep during the night, because on the 2nd I had the exam, my first one here and I was so nervous about how it was going to be. I built theories about the subject I'm going to get and tried to create answers.

Tuesday, the exam day, I woke up extremely tired. I realized that I think well when I am tired and I am able to concentrate better, because I stop caring about what I'm saying and doing. The exam was better that I thought...or at least that's what I'm saying now...I will see how well it was after I get my result. It was a hand written exam, and Hagen created a big fuss. Everybody was intrigued that in 21st century we have to take hand written exams and not use our laptops. I don't know if this is snobbish and arrogant but they all shared the same idea. Ohhh....these Western kids :). It was a 4 hour exam and I kinnda finished in the first hour. I had no idea what else to write and I was ashamed/afraid to hand it in so fast, because of being weird. So I reread it 4 times, searched in the dictionary for different words to check my spelling...till a girl got up and handed in her essay. I felt relieved for not being the only one and quickly got up and gave it to Hagen. It was good that I finished so fast, because the next day I had a presentation in law and was suppose to prepare my Power Point part of the presentation...and didn't :D. So I had time to do it through lunch in the State library.

We had to create a product and build a company with plans to expand somewhere in the world, talk about the type of clauses we will include in our contracts, type of clients we are going to have, transportation regulations and intellectual property issues(patent, trade mark stuff...etc). We made a Danish company - Greeny toys - selling organic wooden toys under the name of Greeny. We did it in a hurry and we were sure it was going to be crap comparing to the others. But we had a surprise on Wednesday after the presentation...

Anyway...after my exam on Tuesday and finishing our law presentation I went home. The girls were going out to Student House and of course I joined. I couldn't miss that, especially since it was the last International Student's party this semester. I'm glad I went because it was one of the best. I also met with the Romanian girls and shared some time together. People...donuts...mulled wine…games...painting and of course fussball. I won 4 crappy Christmas presents in a dice throwing game. I got 6 for 5 times but they stole one of my presents. I guess when you get unlucky in certain fields you become lucky in others...I should probably start gambling in this period...I might win something good.

Wednesday I had to wake up at 7 again...for the law presentation. I was feeling cranky and I was tired. I didn't feel like presenting anything and had a mean attitude. This helped me during the presentation, because I answered all the questions people asked very straight forward without hesitations...and in the end...this brought us the 1st pries. It was a total shock, because we thought we wouldn't get anything...but we won...a box of chocolates :)...sweet victory. This was good for our moral...we all felt good and appreciated. After the victory I went with Mara to the International Secretariat to sign my new contract and ask about the procedure and stuff. We convinced the girl there to reveal the secret information about the girl who will come in my current room, starting January. She is also from Czech Republic, like Marketa and studies Biology...that's all we managed to get…but it's more than enough...I hope she speaks English and I don't have to learn Czech and her and Marketa will not speak Czech all the freaking time :) I had a second presentation on Diaspora’s that day so, after a quick cake and chit chat with Mara in the cantine, I went to my next class. Half sleeping I managed to say what I had to say and head home. Home...but not for long. Uwe, my Diaspora teacher, invited us for dinner and movie at his place. The cold weather was making me stay home, in bed and sleep...but I went. Though he is living here for 3 months just like us you could see the difference between a student's house and a teacher's house...he had all his stuff here and it looked very personnel…like a real house. We ate humus with vegetables, rice in coconut milk with curry, pasta al forno and tiramisu. A bit too much I would say...but it felt good. I think I'm going to cook some of this stuff myself. I am really turning into an international chef. I almost felt asleep during the long Bollywood movie we watched. Not long after midnight we all went home. It didn't matter how tired I was...I couldn't stop enjoying the cold. The road was shining because everything was frozen. I wasn't afraid to go with the bike downhill on ice...I guess I got really use to it and I learned how to control it pretty well. There were no clouds in the sky and the stars were shining bright. I decided to learn some constellations and search for them. I am sure it would be a success...I'm building a new passion. I love to ride my bike by night, looking at the stars and going uphill on the road home through the middle of the street in all directions, listening to music...I'm becoming a selfish sentimental fool.

On Thursday, fate played in my favor. None of my student group people could come for our learning meeting so I got to sleep 1 hour later...till 8..the babies started their normal artistic program after, so I had to wake up. It was Marketa's birthday so we gave her hugs and kisses in the morning and the little gift we got for her - a pair of one fingered green gloves. She planed her party for Friday so today we had the day off. We all wanted to go to Den Gamel By, but Lina had some problems and I only went with Mara and the Latvian girls. Den Gamel By is some sort of old village museum. They have there some houses from the region, tolls, furniture and other stuff they used to use in the old days. This is the place to be if you come in Aarhus. A ticket is pretty expensive (100 kr.) but in the Christmas period it's free for students. Also you can find people dressed like in the old days there, sweets, cigarettes and drinks like they used to be...and also children's games and books. The Danish are really keen on their traditions and the national obsession is everywhere even in the Christmas tree...there is no Christmas tree without at least one Danish flag in it...holidays are not holidays if the tree doesn't have the flag. I don't honestly think it's worth paying 100 kr. for this place - I bet the modern art museum is better at the same price...but anyway it was for free. The most interesting part about this whole Gamel by thing was our way to it. At one of the big crossroads we have to pass on our way to the centre we saw from the distance 2 fireman cars, 1 ambulance, one police car and one G4S car. We thought something really bad happened but when we got there we were surprised to see a car, Skoda, bumped into a traffic light. The front part of the car was damaged but it wasn't that bad. Still, all these cars where there and the traffic was blocked.


Everybody has Christmas decorations around their houses except for us. It would be a bit stupid to buy Christmas stuff when none of us is here for Christmas. I bought some wooden snowflakes from Den Gamel By…and made a candle decoration thing…just for me…I also stole a little Christmas tree branch and put it in the kitchen :)

Friday started pretty well and ended even better. In the morning I had my usual cornflakes with bananas and karnemelk breakfast and than went to my student group meeting. We are trying to figure our next exam on accounting. We are 5 in the group - me, Benjamin, Tone, Luci and Louise. Except for Luci who is from Brazil, the others are Danish. For this exam I am preparing only with Benjamin and Tone. We are meeting every morning till the 15th when we have the exam. We have one week to prepare for two exams...but I'm sure it's going to be ok.

After that we went to Lina's house, where Marketa made her birthday party. It was a total blast. A lot of dancing, jello shots, home made - use it only once Twister, guitar singing and ahm...other stuff. I realised I almost became an expert in rolling cigartes, and when I get a bit dizzy I can actually play the guitar :)). I decided not to tell people where I am from anymore and let the guess. Till now I got 3 France and 2 Spain - not really expecting people to think that I am from France, but anyway. We stayed till really early in the morning and it did not matter that the next day I had to be in school at 9 in the morning.

This night Saint Nicholas came at home and he didn't find me there I guess. I didn't get anything here either so he must have lost me. :( uuufff....

The rest of my weekend was and will be a countinuig accounting exercises pleasure. I love it.

To learn:
- how to make humus
- how to make jello shots and get people really drunk without noticing
- how to make curry
- how to make the super great Danish Christmas rice, milk, almonds and cherry souse thing
...and speaking of food, I bought the most diguisting thing ever - blood salami. That is actually pig blood with fat. I was curios about it and after tasting it I threw it away because it was horrible.

I cannot believe that in less than two weeks I will be home, in Bucharest, with my family and friends. I have mixed feelings about this, but they all include some sort of excitement  I don't know how I should act, what I should say...I am afraid of being strange and saying stupid things that may not be understood the way they are meant to be.