I'm in total chaos and it's not good. As Alex said - my external obsession for order is the reverse image of the chaos in my mind. I'm in confusion, without control. Things happen too fast around me and I don't know how to react towards them. It's like I'm in a roller coaster, going up and down and unable to stop the hops. I need a moment of silence and I wish the world could freeze for a second so I can look at everybody and try to find myself within them. I need somebody to tell me that everything is ok…and that somebody can only be me. I don't know who to trust and I don't know if I'm having fun and living or just going on in a critical routine. I need to find myself and start believing in me...I should probably stop trying to view myself as others do and try setting myself free...even if this means changing my ways and becoming extremely selfish...worse then I am now. If I could leave the only person I felt good around from time to time I can probably also loose all the extra feelings and thoughts I get from the ones around me. I don't know what friends are for and why we need them, other that satisfying our own selfish needs (laughing, joking, going out, telling them what's bothering us and what's making us happy...in one word relaxing)...and if friends are a good excuse for being selfish that why shouldn't I be like that all the way and stop trying to find solutions for them and think about what they do and why. I am probably a fake person just because I'm saying these things but I'm tired of feeling...in vain.